Divorce is extremely tough and with the toxic mix of grief, it can be difficult not to lose sight of what is important and how we affect those closest to us.
When we are involved in a divorce most of us do not let anyone help. We shut down with our confidence shattered and self-esteem hits an all time low. Very few of us can achieve things alone. Here are 3 tips to recognising destructive behaviour and what to do about it.
1. Divorce can cause us to become withdrawn
Divorce can cause us to become reclusive. We might stop going out or seeing others, withdrawing from even the simplest social situation. Alone time is important for healing, but it is also important to be aware of becoming too lonely. Visiting a friend or relative can be very good for us. When we do meet up with someone the fear is that we might break down and pour everything out. Change the subject and talk about them. Don’t return to the subject. Other distractions such as work can be a welcome relief, but they can also be an additional source of stress.
- Get out and see some friends and relatives
- Take up a new hobby
- Join friendship groups and find some like minded new people
2. Divorce can cause us to be in a state of denial
Divorce can cause us to reassure everyone that we’re okay. We might then, however, realise that we’re eating too much, taking too much alcohol, or even laughing just that little bit too much during a social interaction. It is essential to blow off steam but it is necessary to do so constructively. Another problem with denial brought on by divorce is that we might use another person to make us feel better. Typically this happens when dating – and dating unsuitable people – begins the cycle again. It’s not fair to that person, and you’re better than that. Let me help you work out what went wrong last time in order to identify recurring patterns – who are we attracted to; who are we attracting. It is easy to expect that a new relationship will work along the same lines as our marriage which may help us and soothe us for a while. When it goes wrong again, we are left feeling even worse – more vulnerable and in pain – than before.
- Don’t pretend everything is all right, ask for help if we need it?
- Don’t endanger the stability of our children, business or professional duties.
- Find an objective confidant in terms of coaching or group work.
- Play sport and exercise regularly.
3. Divorce can cause us to become obsessive
Divorce can make us ask many questions of friends or family of our ex for information on him/her. Divorce can make us stalk her/him online. These activities are self-destructive and often result in us feeling even worse than we do already about the separation. A clean split with no contact is the best way to proceed with communication about the children only. This will be best for them too. Part of the obsessiveness that can follow a divorce is using the children to start and continue the unnecessary and often bitter dialogue about who is to blame for this and for that. If it feels hurtful, unsettling or upsetting, don’t put yourself through it. You might wish to write a letter to your ex during your divorce detailing exactly how you feel – don’t send it though. It’s important just to get it down as part of the process of healing
Let me, Claire Buck, Life coach, work with you to take the necessary steps towards working out a strategy for communication with your ex. This way you will not feel like you have been through the mill after every exchange. Let me help you through this process in such a way that you keep your family values intact and with little or no disruption to professional matters.
What can I expect from Coaching?
- You will be asked series of strong, thought provoking, inspiring questions to establish clear focused purposeful steps towards stated goals.
- You will be listened to in a totally quiet confidential space that is just for you.
- You can expect to clear that noisy headspace that currently nags away at you causing worry and procrastination.
- You can expect to overcome obstacles that are currently holding you back.
- You will find new strategies and ways of thinking empowering you to unlock your true potential.
- Discover your inner strength, empowering you to reach your goals & aspirations in a timely fashion
Are you a professional or entrepreneur going through a divorce and think you might need help? Contact Claire now for a free 45-minute discovery session
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