Thriving after separation and divorce requires the means and the right support. It’s a major change in the circumstances of life. There is no need to do it alone.
You are likely to be distracted from your daily routine after separation and divorce. Expect your usual sleep pattern to be interrupted. Questions as to whether you will always feel as lonely as you do now will be on the top of your mind. It is likely that you feel yourself getting in your own way; that you feel you need to set new goals in life.
A major question that arises for many newly separated and divorced individuals is how to deal with the stress and sense of being overwhelmed as a single parent. If you are ready for dating again you may be asking yourself how to get started and how to attract a new love. A plan of action will make a real difference. Getting back on track will not happen by chance occurrence. Here are some tips to make note of that will help you thrive after separation and divorce.
(1) To thrive after separation and divorce, learn to let go
If you are trapped by holding on to regrets you will prevent your life from moving forward. “What if I had done things differently?” is a common thought after separation and divorce and only natural for a period of time. Are these thoughts helping you feel better? Will dwelling on such thoughts serve to make you feel better? – no. Moving forward means acknowledging our feelings and then learning from our past experience such that we are prepared for the next stage in our lives. Let them go in order that you may thrive after divorce.
After separation and divorce we experience loss and grief. It is a normal reaction to keep ourselves busy in order to distract ourselves from this stressful period therefore. However, remember, it is important for you to do something special for yourself every day – you deserve it. Even if it lasts for a mere 10 minutes – reading a good book, going out for a brisk walk – you will be enabling yourself to be the best you can be both for yourself and your children. Allow yourself to do it. The happier you are, the better it is for your family: such happiness can be infectious
(2) After separation and divorce, ask yourself: what makes you truly happy?
If someone were to ask you that question what would your answer be? What really matters to you? It is essential to thriving after separation and divorce that we know our own purpose and to be clear on what that purpose is. Why? – knowing that will give you a true and proper sense of your identity and how you are supposed to make a difference in the world. This will give your life direction, which will in turn enable you to make clear decisions in relation to that direction. If you don’t have this after separation and divorce you’re just drifting.
Living your life with a purpose will bestows you with integrity. Being true to ones self gives order to all aspects of life – mind, body and spirit. Focussing on the realisation of this can be a lengthy process. Take a piece of paper and write down the passions of your heart
(3) After separation and divorce be true to yourself
After separation and divorce it is difficult to arrive at knowledge of what is right, how to feel – you will we often be filled with doubts. This sense of uncertainty makes it seem difficult to make decisions. Listen to what’s in your heart – ask yourself what feels right and what doesn’t feel right. If you find yourself in a situation that doesn’t feel right, do yourself justice by giving credence to the resistance and uncertainty you feel by waiting, pausing. Sometimes this is the best thing to do simply to resolve the situation.
After separation and divorce, if you feel that a decision made by you feels right, it usually means that you are on the right course. Listening to what’s in your heart honours your integrity. By doing this, saying “No” to things will get easier and easier. If you have been asked to take on some responsibility for something, perhaps in a voluntary capacity, you might well feel like replying “yes” immediately, even though this interferes with your schedule. The next time it happens, wait and pause. If you feel resistance, refuse, however if you think of the opportunity with excitement, do it. Taking the time to know what you feel is right is very important
(4) After separation and divorce, it’s important to keep things positive and light
The additional responsibilities mount up after separation and divorce. You might now be a single parent. You might now be feeling the stress of doing things on your own that were once shared. What’s the best way to handle it without getting all stressed out? – learn to laugh more. Learn to laugh at yourself more. Learn to let things go. Don’t take life so seriously!
After separation and divorce, one must learn to live in the present. If you are living in the present, then you will be attentive to all the positive things in life – the cutting edge, as it were. Forget the negative and worrying aspects from yesterday. Tomorrow’s to-do list can wait for a while. When you are not in the present moment in time – worrying about yesterday or next week – you’re missing out on your life. If you’re stressed out, have a good look about you. Take a step back. Watch your children and appreciate them; see the beauty of who they are and be appreciative that you are blessed to have them as part of your life. Living in the present means using all five senses to pull you in to the moment such that you may give yourself time to be appreciative of the beauty that surrounds you.
(5) To thrive after separation and divorce, treasure what makes you unique.
Over the years you may well have forgotten your unique gifts. This can be the result of thinking about what you don’t like about yourself or the negative aspect of your life. Take a piece of paper and list all of your great qualities. Read that list every day, and keep reading it every day until you believe it. Intelligence, generosity, kindness etc. – your unique qualities are there and they have always been there.
Claire Buck is a Life Coach with a wealth of experience in both business and life/family matters. Read what Claire’s clients have to say. If you feel you need help at this very difficult time of year with problems relating to the end of your relationship, she can help you to:
REGAIN YOUR SENSE OF PURPOSE – We often get so bogged down in trying to live up to the expectations of others that we forget to think about what we actually want. Life coaching can help you regain your sense of purpose and empower you to redefine your route in life, overcome the obstacles and come up with solutions that work for you.
CLEAR THE PATH – Get rid of the emotional clutter and better understand what you want and how you can achieve it. Holding on to negative thoughts and allowing self-doubt to hold you back could be all that is standing between you and the life you want.
BECOME MORE SELF AWARE – A life coach can give you the tools you need to explore your inner self and work out who you really are, what you really want and how you’re going to get there.
INCREASE YOUR CONFIDENCE – Empower yourself to leave your comfort zone. Lack of confidence can be a huge factor in our unhappiness. By increasing your confidence you will be better equipped to make decisions, stretch yourself and seek out the opportunities to achieve your goals.
IDENTIFY MANAGEABLE STEPS -Sometimes a goal can seem so big that you can’t see how you will ever achieve it. A life coach can help you break it down and identify the smaller steps you need to take in order to get there. What can you do today that will bring you closer to your goal tomorrow? Let your life coach help you overcome the hurdles between you and the finish line.
ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS FASTER -Perhaps you are making progress in achieving what you want in life but are frustrated about how much time it is taking? A life coach can help you maximise your time and focus on what is needed to get to your destination quicker.
Claire is beginning a series of group sessions for entrepreneurs and professionals experiencing problems relating to separation and divorce with the beginning of the new year. You will be with like-minded people who are experiencing similar issues to yourself. For your free discovery session with Claire, please make contact
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